Over Thinking

I'm seriously officially blogged obsessed but hey that's a good thing right?

I got to hang out with my best friend Sarah today :) We had such a good time, we always do! I was able to be open with her! She's someone that I will never worry about being judged by, and I thank her for that (Sarah, if your reading this I love ya)!

Just thinking a lot. Sometimes thinking gets be in trouble so I'm trying to "limit" my thinking. I'm thinking about how I want this year to be seeing that i'm 19 now...I want a good year, a year without hurting myself. I have been hurt too much so why do I make the decision to still hurt myself? It's something I'm stuck thinking about. But I don't think I can just get over it either. I know I'm going to end up doing something. But then I think I'm just being negative. Or am I just being realistic? Then if I do something I'm going to feel guilty...Ugg! I NEED to stop thinking, I'm just so confused. My brain hurts. And these meds make me what to cry :( I feel nothing different...I feel worse nightmares, and I'm so hypervigilent. I'm scared to ask for more help. I just want to be okay and healthy!

I want to scream!
And I don't want to go back to school.