So, I know I haven't written in a long while. It's because a lot has been going on. This is extremely personal but I am going to share anyway, because I really need some support right now.
Okay, back up 3 weeks.
Something bad happened... I woke up to pain "down there" with blood too. So for about a week I tried to put it in the back of my mind. But it was not really working. I then reached out to my therapist back home who was very concerned. I tried then to talk to my therapist here and she really upset me. I wouldn't go in to full details about what was sad because I just can't handle that right now. Anyways I then decided to call my rape crisis center, I got an apt with a counselor there and we chatted. We decided the next step was to go to the hospital might I say scariest thing ever. I went yesterday. No pregnancy. But something did happen for sure. Now it's the morning after the exam and my brain is going one hundred miles a hour and will not slow down. Pain is overwhelming me right now.
Ugg I just want all of this to be erased... please.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Real Life Friends & Summer
So I have decided to let some of my real life friends start reading my blog :) Hi guys!
I think it is time that they are able to see all sides of me, even the things that aren't so pretty... like the truth of addiction, the dreaded eating disorder. But, that's okay because I'm pretty much myself in the real world to although sometimes I do really hid my issues inside.
Also I think my letting my friends see the real me will help me learn to trust them. Not only that but it will make me more accountable to them. Which is something that I do truly need to work on.
And since I haven't given a full life update here we go:
As I mentioned in my previous post I got a job, which is really exciting. But truthfully it's also very nerve racking. This is because my back home therapists original plan for me this summer was to get me into some kind of treatment program. And with being gone for three months that does not look like it will be happening. This good either me a really good thing, or a really awful thing. Really good meaning that I could really start taking care of me, or on the other hand really bad. I will be by myself more than less. I will have no parents, no friends to "make me eat" (take me with them), and lastly no therapists... Well maybe I can I will have 6 hours off a week so maybe phone therapy or skype will be an option. I don't know how healthy it would be for me to go three whole months with no therapy.
Well I will talk to my therapist tomorrow. Hopefully I made the right decision, that being I can handle myself over the summer, and not need treatment later on. And if not, then honestly I don't know... But, I'm going to think positively here :)
I think it is time that they are able to see all sides of me, even the things that aren't so pretty... like the truth of addiction, the dreaded eating disorder. But, that's okay because I'm pretty much myself in the real world to although sometimes I do really hid my issues inside.
Also I think my letting my friends see the real me will help me learn to trust them. Not only that but it will make me more accountable to them. Which is something that I do truly need to work on.
And since I haven't given a full life update here we go:
As I mentioned in my previous post I got a job, which is really exciting. But truthfully it's also very nerve racking. This is because my back home therapists original plan for me this summer was to get me into some kind of treatment program. And with being gone for three months that does not look like it will be happening. This good either me a really good thing, or a really awful thing. Really good meaning that I could really start taking care of me, or on the other hand really bad. I will be by myself more than less. I will have no parents, no friends to "make me eat" (take me with them), and lastly no therapists... Well maybe I can I will have 6 hours off a week so maybe phone therapy or skype will be an option. I don't know how healthy it would be for me to go three whole months with no therapy.
Well I will talk to my therapist tomorrow. Hopefully I made the right decision, that being I can handle myself over the summer, and not need treatment later on. And if not, then honestly I don't know... But, I'm going to think positively here :)
Time Flies
What a week...
Even though it actually went by ridiculously fast, not saying that as a bad thing what so ever!
So I got a job for over the summer and I am absolutely thrilled! I will be working as an Arts and Crafts Leader at a camp for children and adults that have disabilities. I think it is going to be a good opportunity for me all in all.
In another area of my life, I am officially all registered for my sophomore year of college! Eekk. Where did time go? I swear yesterday felt like the very first day of orientation.
Even though it actually went by ridiculously fast, not saying that as a bad thing what so ever!
So I got a job for over the summer and I am absolutely thrilled! I will be working as an Arts and Crafts Leader at a camp for children and adults that have disabilities. I think it is going to be a good opportunity for me all in all.
In another area of my life, I am officially all registered for my sophomore year of college! Eekk. Where did time go? I swear yesterday felt like the very first day of orientation.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Weirdness
Well the weirdest thing happened, I went to the pharmacy the price 5 dollars at first I thought they were joking but seriously only 5 bucks. I can afford that :) Let's just see if it works, it's day 3 and I honestly don't really feel any different...but I'm going to give it at least 2 weeks before I judge it. And I'm super pumped I got a psychiatrist for when I go home! So now I'll almost have a full "team". Less than a month till summer break still in total shock! Eekk... Fingers crossed I have a job interview on Tuesday!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
I hate being so Stubborn!
Shut shut shut...
Oh flipping dear, I just got back from my psychiatrist appointment and it went okay but I was curious so I looked up how much my new medication is and let's just say this girl that makes less then 100 dollars a week, is not going to be able to afford co-pays and a 50 dollar medication! So I'm flipping out, I don't want to be embarrassed and call the doctor. So I e-mailed my therapist. Hopefully she will get back to me! God, why can't I just ask my parents to help me and stop being so DARN stubborn! Yikes. Blahh, Blahh., Blahh. This is stressing the heck out of me. Hurry up therapist and get back to me I need you! :(
Oh flipping dear, I just got back from my psychiatrist appointment and it went okay but I was curious so I looked up how much my new medication is and let's just say this girl that makes less then 100 dollars a week, is not going to be able to afford co-pays and a 50 dollar medication! So I'm flipping out, I don't want to be embarrassed and call the doctor. So I e-mailed my therapist. Hopefully she will get back to me! God, why can't I just ask my parents to help me and stop being so DARN stubborn! Yikes. Blahh, Blahh., Blahh. This is stressing the heck out of me. Hurry up therapist and get back to me I need you! :(
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Easter Break :)
I'm having a seriously amazing week.
My head is recovering beautifully and I do longer have a big bump :P!
I went to go visit my best friend Marci and her university and had a blast (frat party, cute boys, and shopping)!
Then I ended my Easter break with a shopping with my Mom and friend Courtney :) And got so many cute clothes!!! I'll have to pic some pictures of them because I'm in love with my clothes hehehe!
Now I'm going back to school for one month to finish up the semester pretty exciting stuff...then summer vacation!
I just realized I ended every sentence with a exclamation point :) Well tomorrow it will be back to the ol' school routine, besides seeing my therapist appointment... then I'm out of it again with a psychiatrist appointment, and an honor's conference. What a week I'm having!
My head is recovering beautifully and I do longer have a big bump :P!
I went to go visit my best friend Marci and her university and had a blast (frat party, cute boys, and shopping)!
Now I'm going back to school for one month to finish up the semester pretty exciting stuff...then summer vacation!
I just realized I ended every sentence with a exclamation point :) Well tomorrow it will be back to the ol' school routine, besides seeing my therapist appointment... then I'm out of it again with a psychiatrist appointment, and an honor's conference. What a week I'm having!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Concussion
Well did I have a fun weekend!
Oh in the MUST sarcastic way ever...
It all started Friday afternoon at the Mines of Spain, it's a walking trail place here where I go to school and well I banged my head on a rock...after a while, around 9ish I went back home/dorm. And my nursing guy friend told me that my pupils looked uneven which is a tattle tail sign of a pretty bad concussion... So of to the hospital I went. I was super nervous but it seriously was not that bad there. As soon as I went in I was seen so it was really nice, I had a really nice nurse and a very cute nursing student :) And the doctor was pretty decent. After both nero exams, I got a lovely CAT scan and the diagnosed with a concussion... I'm still in so much pain and nausated :( Not been physically able to keep much down at all. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow or it's back for the hospital for me...Argg. This such poop.
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